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Mass Effect by kigo13


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May 28, 2012
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Tali: Teatime Tag

"Aunt Tali!" are the only words she hears before a blue streak rockets into her midsection. Tali glances down as she tries to catch her breath. Little Ayrene looks up at her with sheer joy in her eyes, her arms wrapped tightly around Tali's waist. "Well look at you, I can't believe how much you've grown Aya.

Tali glances up to see Liara standing in the doorway with a bemused expression on her face, her hands placed on the bulge at her stomach. Tali's eyes widen "Keelah, Liara! Why didn't you tell me?"

Liara chuckles, "Shepard figured your reaction would be priceless."

Tali shakes her head, "That little........."

Ayrene finally extricates herself from her. "Can we play Aunt Tali?"

"I'm sorry Aya, I've got to talk to your mom for awhile."

Ayrene looks crestfallen. Tali kneels down to her eye level. "Tell you what, I may not be able to play with you, but how would you like to play with Chiktikka vas Paus?"

She activates her omni-tool and a purple sphere materializes. "Chiktikka.....activate Tag program".

Ayrene giggles with delight and takes off running, the drone hot on her heels. Tali smiles to herself before turning back to Liara. "Now then.....congratulations!"

She embraces Liara. They make their way to the living room. Tali helps lower Liara onto the couch, before sitting herself in a chair by the window. "I am so happy for you. At least one of us is making their relationship work."

Liara's brows knit as she frowns. "Are you and Garrus having problems?"

Tali sighs, "Yeah, we're........taking a break. We barely get to see each other anymore since the end of the war. He's been on Palaven helping oversee the reconstruction. Combine that with me doing my part on Rannoch, the long-distance relationship isn't really working for either of us."

"Tali, I'm so sorry."

"Please, Liara. Don't tell Shepard yet. She looked so happy when she saw us together. Garrus wanted to be the one to break the news to her. Said he owed her that much."

Liara nods. "I understand. but that's not why I invited you here Tali."

Tali tilts her head to one side as Liara looks at her intently. "Tali, Shepard and I both would love it if you would be godmother to our child."

Tali jerks involuntarily. "Aya?"

Liara shakes her head and places her hand on the bulge. "Her."

Tali's hand goes up to her face in surprise, "Keelah Liara. I don't know what to say..........yes.....keelah, of course I will. I'm honored."

Bursts of laughter come from outside as Ayrene is caught by Chiktikka. Tali smiles as she walks over to sit next to Liara."I have to ask Liara, why ask me? Why not Ash or hell, even Wrex?"

Liara gently places a hand on her arm. "Tali, it's because your one of the family and I would be honored to have you be godmother to my daughter. Would you care for a drink to celebrate? Only for you of course."

Tali shakes her head, "Alcohol doesn't agree with me, in case you've forgotten my little excess on the Normandy."

Liara giggles quietly, "Emergency Induction Port."

Tali playfully punches her in the arm, "Bosh'tet".

The hours pass by in the blink of an eye. Tali walks out into the yard to find Ayrene fast asleep on the grass with Chiktikka rolling around her. "Good girl Chiktikka."

She bends down and lifts her up gently. She walks back to Liara and places her daughter in her arms. She brushes a finger down Ayrene's cheek. "Sleep well Aya."

Tali turns to leave, when Liara's voice stops her. "You'll come for dinner next week?"

Tali turns back, "Wouldn't miss it."

Well here's my second short story. Tali's Teatime Tag.
Introducing the eldest Shepard child, Ayrene (or Aya for short).
I hope you all enjoy.

Yes I broke up Garrus and her, because in the back of my head, it didn't feel right.

UPDATE: 7/8/12 - 1,000 views!!!! :happybounce: Thanks everyone!!!!!!


___________________________

I do not own any Mass Effect Characters.
Kaycee Shepard and her family belong to LiveAndLoveArt and myself.
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:iconjay357:
The beginning of the story propels you directly into a moment full of emotion. You immediately connect with the various characters and although there is no background history given, you don't notice it as a missing part.

The interactions seem fluid and accurate, compared to the characters that you get to know in Mass Effect. The appearance of Original Characters is always welcome, especially if they're well-written. Often it's not easy, writing children's lines or their actions, but Ayrene sounds and behaves like a child in a very cute way. The falling asleep while playing tag adds extra points to originality and impact (*my* impact, obviously, I had to laugh so hard).

In the middle of the story you get the distinct feeling that the main characters mean a lot to each other, even *before* Liara calls Tali part of the family. The underlying emotions and feelings that are not mentioned seep through quite nicely, which always makes an excellent read.

All in all the story is written very well, and I would say for a story this short it made quite an impression.

Vision :star::star::star::star-half:
It's a short, funny story, that doesn't make you think. *But* it embodies the imagination of a writer who is obviously capable of making another's universe his own.

Originality :star::star::star::star::star:
I don't think that needs explaining. I've yet to read something like it (for the Mass Effect universe)!

Technique: :star::star::star::star-half:
There's no major mistakes, just little ones. (you're ≠ your)
I also noticed one passage that didn't make sense (to me) because of the grammar:
>Tali walks out into the yard to find Ayrene fast asleep on the grass with Chiktikka rolling around her. "Good girl Chiktikka."
She bends down and lifts her up gently.<
Who does she pick up? ;)

Impact: :star::star::star::star::star-half:
Well, for a short story, it certainly made me laugh and enjoy the time I spent reading it.


(to be honest, I enjoyed it even more because I already read the comic strip :iconheehee-plz: it's easier to picture Aya and Chiktikka ;))
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconkoogee4:
koogee4 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wanna play with the drone, too!
Reply
:iconsaintwalker1806:
SaintWalker1806 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
You'll have to catch her first :D (Also trying to get it away from Aya ;))
Reply
:iconjay357:
jay357 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
there you go, this was No1 =D
Reply
:iconsaintwalker1806:
SaintWalker1806 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012
Thanks, the older the short, the less refined they are :D
This was my second short I wrote. :giggle:
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:iconjay357:
jay357 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
it's fine =D
I just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten ;)
Reply
:iconsaintwalker1806:
SaintWalker1806 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012
Once you reach the Jack two-part short, I felt my writing style improved a lot. :D
No worries. I know you didn't forget.
Reply
:iconjay357:
jay357 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
reading isn't the main thing that takes time. critiques actually *do*, though. If you wanna do it right, at least. I always try to use the opportunity, soooo... it might take me even longer. at least the parts about my favourite characters deserve one. which means every single one exceot for zaeed :icondignitylaughplz:
we'll see, I guess. first I gotta sleep some. *TIRED* :iconheehee-plz:
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:iconsaintwalker1806:
SaintWalker1806 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
Be nice to Zaeed. :icondragonlick: He's the girls' fun uncle. Plus I made him a tad more personable.
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:iconjay357:
jay357 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
of course, of course....


... NOT. :iconlaughingplz:
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:iconsaintwalker1806:
SaintWalker1806 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
Be nice. please.
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(1 Reply)
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